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2025-01-09 13:43:40 -06:00

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<h1>A Good Friend's Father</h1>
<p> A good friend's father died. He was quite a strong figure in my
childhood. He was compassionate, endearing, strong, and happy. He is
succeeded by two of my best childhood friends, and his second wife. I will
always remember him as smiling, or laughing, or even sometimes frustrated
with his children.</p>
<p> When I learned of his passing, I immediately thought of my position in
life. My father is roughly the same age, and my mother slightly younger.
Was this death too early? Is there such a thing? If I stick to my
philosophical beliefs, then death is fated, regardless of where or when;
never early, never late. When I told a friend of the passing, his remarks
were expectedly typical: "That's fucked up. He died so early. He died so
young." The trick with beliefs is they are always tested. I found myself
caught up in grief and worry. Surprised at the passing, worried with the
thought of my parents dying. I even grew anxious of the funeral and calling
hours. Suddenly this anxiety was like a weed, finding it's way into the
cracks in my beliefs and understanding, unsettling and disrupting my peace
of mind. Instead of mourning the loss, I tangled myself into an emotional
knot, and selfishly so.</p>
<p> I sat, a few days after the news, watching the rain. I considered how
the rain falls where it is due, regardless of what it falls on. The
rain cares not, it simply is. I considered the millions of drops falling on
the millions of people all around the globe. Their situations in life as
unique as each drop; in structure similar, yet in action ever slightly
divergent. In life, I cannot decide where or when I exist, I can only
decide how to perceive my existance. Epictetus wrote, "man is disturbed not
by things, but by the views he takes of them." My perceptions were skewed,
my understanding flawed, and thus I was disturbed.</p>
<p> One of my favorite analogies is Bruce Lee's metaphor about water. It is
a reminder to be fluid and formless, adaptable and potent; "If nothing
within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves." There's
no way for me to know what will be asked of me, as my life moves forward.
I must be shapeless, so when obstacles appear I flow around or through
them, without hesitation. I cannot affect when or how these obstacles
appear, only how I perceive them. I had forgotten this. </p>
<p> A good friend's father died, and he reminded me how to live.</p>
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Rest in peace, Chaz. You were a good man, a good father, and a friend.
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Bill Niblock
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2015-07-09
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