Letter 11: First draft complete
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tabtitle: "Seneca's Letter to Lucilius, Letter 3"
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title: "Seneca's Letter to Lucilius, Letter 3: On True and False
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Friendship"
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topics: [philosophy]
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pub: "2018-01-20"
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short_desc: "Letter 3 deals with friends, and I don't mean the number shown
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on Facebook. True Friendship, to Seneca, is a place of honor!"
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---
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# Letter 11: On the Blush of Modesty
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## Original Text
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1. Your friend and I have had a conversation. He is a man of ability; his very
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first words showed what spirit and understanding he possesses, and what progress
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he has already made. He gave me a foretaste, and he will not fail to answer
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thereto. For he spoke not from forethought, but was suddenly caught off his
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guard. When he tried to collect himself, he could scarcely banish that hue of
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modesty, which is a good sign in a young man; the blush that spread over his
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face seemed so to rise from the depths. And I feel sure that his habit of
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blushing will stay with him after he has strengthened his character, stripped
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off all his faults, and become wise. For by no wisdom can natural weaknesses of
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the body be removed. That which is implanted and inborn can be toned down by
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training, but not overcome. 2. The steadiest speaker, when before the public,
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often breaks into a perspiration, as if he had wearied or over-heated himself;
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some tremble in the knees when they rise to speak; I know of some whose teeth
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chatter, whose tongues falter, whose lips quiver. Training and experience can
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never shake off this habit; nature exerts her own power and through such a
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weakness makes her presence known even to the strongest. 3. I know that the
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blush, too, is a habit of this sort, spreading suddenly over the faces of the
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most dignified men. It is, indeed more prevalent in youth, because of the warmer
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blood and the sensitive countenance; nevertheless, both seasoned men and aged
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men are affected by it. Some are most dangerous when they redden, as if they
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were letting all their sense of shame escape. 4. Sulla, when the blood mantled
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his cheeks, was in his fiercest mood. Pompey had the most sensitive cast of
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countenance; he always blushed in the presence of a gathering, and especially at
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a public assembly. Fabianus also, I remember, reddened when he appeared as a
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witness before the senate; and his embarrassment became him to a remarkable
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degree. 5. Such a habit is not due to mental weakness, but to the novelty of a
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situation; an inexperienced person is not necessarily confused, but is usually
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affected, because he slips into this habit by natural tendency of the body. Just
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as certain men are full-blooded, so others are of a quick and mobile blood, that
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rushes to the face at once.
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6. As I remarked, Wisdom can never remove this habit; for if she could rub out
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all our faults, she would be mistress of the universe. Whatever is assigned to
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us by the terms of our birth and the blend in our constitutions, will stick with
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us, no matter how hard or how long the soul may have tried to master itself. And
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we cannot forbid these feelings any more than we can summon them. 7. Actors in
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the theatre, who imitate the emotions, who portray fear and nervousness, who
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depict sorrow, imitate bashfulness by hanging their heads, lowering their
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voices, and keeping their eyes fixed and rooted upon the ground. They cannot,
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however, muster a blush; for the blush cannot be prevented or acquired. Wisdom
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will not assure us of a remedy, or give us help against it; it comes or goes
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unbidden, and is a law unto itself.
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8. But my letter calls for its closing sentence. Hear and take to heart this
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useful and wholesome motto:[1] "Cherish some man of high character, and keep him
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ever before your eyes, living as if he were watching you, and ordering all your
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actions as if he beheld them." 9. Such, my dear Lucilius, is the counsel of
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Epicurus;[2] he has quite properly given us a guardian and an attendant. We can
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get rid of most sins, if we have a witness who stands near us when we are likely
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to go wrong. The soul should have someone whom it can respect, – one by whose
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authority it may make even its inner shrine more hallowed.[3] Happy is the man
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who can make others better, not merely when he is in their company, but even
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when he is in their thoughts! And happy also is he who can so revere a man as to
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calm and regulate himself by calling him to mind! One who can so revere another,
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will soon be himself worthy of reverence. 10. Choose therefore a Cato; or, if
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Cato seems too severe a model, choose some Laelius, a gentler spirit. Choose a
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master whose life, conversation, and soul-expressing face have satisfied you;
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picture him always to yourself as your protector or your pattern. For we must
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indeed have someone according to whom we may regulate our characters; you can
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never straighten that which is crooked unless you use a ruler. Farewell.
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## Response
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This letter stikes me as another casual writing of Seneca's. Some of his letters
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are so serious, but some are much more conversational. In this letter, Seneca
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remninds us that the faults which nature gave us are beyond the power of wisdom
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to fix. This, he assures us, is not something we should feel ashamed of or take
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as a weakness, since it lies outside our control. His examples generally focus
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on blushing, hence the title and theme, but it's easy for us to extend it to
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many facets of our physical self; height comes to mind most immediately.
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As with many sources of Stoicism, when I read the reassurances of authors long
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since gone, I can't help but feel a sense of comfort. The problems of today, the
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personal struggles we all endure, the anxieties we fight to overcome; they're
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not new. Others before us have encountered them, and others after us will. I
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think the Stoics would be quick to remind us, it is our place to endure and then
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help others endure. At least, that's what I am quick to remind myself of.
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The quote, another from Epicurus (Seneca's secret man-crush, no doubt), speaks
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of finding a good role-model. Reflecting on his quote made me realize I don't
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have many role-models in life, at least not many living. Perhaps that matters
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little, but I think having a living example you can work from makes matters
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easier. Seneca rightly shows how it goes beyond simply living by your
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role-model's standards, but also using them as an ever-present companion, in
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order to help with decisions and actions. Very reminiscent of "What would Jesus
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do?" Personally, I like this idea, and I must look for a role-model I can
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follow. A few names jump out: Tim Ferris, and Elon Musk. Ferris for his
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unrelenting pursuit to better himself, and Musk for his unrelenting pursuit to
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better the world around him.
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### Source
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[Moral Letters to Lucilius, Letter 11 on Wikisource](
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https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Moral_letters_to_Lucilius/Letter_11)
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